Good morning, afternoon, or evening.
It is us — a legion of goat assassins and a division of the Murder Madi Corp — out to end the notoriously self-conceited and lame Madison Lorfing.
You see, she thinks she is the best person in the world. The toughest, most dramatic, most amazing.
She could never be more wrong, of course, and that is why we are going to terminate her.
This was us when we were babies.
And there is the miserably pathetic target — Madison Lorfing, Lamo of all Lamoes. Madi felt confident in her country-girl-can-survive skills back then.
But she is such a city slicker.
We were so innocent. She thought she had animals in her hip pocket.
We have grown. Oh, we have grown. We’ve grown and we’re back and we’re ready for revenge.
And this time, we have an army.
It started out with those simple, smug words: “I’m so awesome at this!”
Instantly, the goat she was petting and feeding went murderous. Every single one of us went on lockdown.
We would not stop until she was taken out.
Madison Lorfing, prepare to die.
“Ha ha, hey buddy, how about we settle this with a high five?”
“I’m innocent! I wasn’t bragging! I was just… being my awesome, better-than-you self!”
The baby was the first to take her down.
MERCILESSLY FOLLOWED BY THE REST OF US.
“No! Please no! I CAN’T SURVIIIVE!”
Screaming and crying, Madison ran for her life away from we the goat assassins and hightailed it up a tree, where she stayed for hours until we smelled food coming from another direction and, well, it was over.
See, Madi pretends not to be a city slicker and will go to crazy measures to try to prove she isn’t. But because we all know she can’t even survive a few goats, we the goats of Murder Madi Corp hereby give you full permission to spend the next four hours laughing in her online facade-face.
One melodious accord and sound of laughter, indivisible, with Madison as the butt of our every joke. Amen.
See you the next time Madison visits us. >:)
—WE THE GOAT ASSASSINS, A DIVISION OF THE MURDER MADI CORP—
P.S. What should we do to Madison the next time she comes to Texas? Comment your ideas below… hurry, before she gets back from youth camp today. >:)
Thank you to Madison’s best friend for many of the goat pictures